Do Not Ask Me Why I Stayed

do not ask me why i stayed,
ask him why his love
had to see me
burn and break.
ask him why his love
had to be full of pain.
ask him why his tongue
dripped honey
when i was soft,
as though an empty bowl
ready for him
and turned into a blade,
a blade so sharp,
with words to kill
when i was weak.
ask him why his love
had to be like poison
on my tongue.
ask him why his love
turned his eyes,
loving, bright and soft,
into a sea of cold,
a sea of anger,
an ocean of hatred
in my name,
whenever i stumbled,
whenever i tumbled.
ask him why his love
had to make me swallow
anger as though
it were not a right of mine
to feel.
ask him why his loved
took, no,
demanded to have me
on my knees
begging for mercy
as though he were a god,
and i, his love,
nothing but a slave,
to the love i ever sought.
ask him why his love
had to live off my screams,
my tears, my pain
as though the only companion of love itself,
was pain, herself.
ask him why his love
had to be like drowning,
deeper and deeper,
his hands pulling me in,
softly at first, always soft, at first
then his nails digging in,
leaving marks that would never fade.
do not, do not ask me why i stayed.
ask him why his love
had to leave marks on my skin,
on my heart.
ask him why his love
had to see me beg
for a love that claimed
to be made, just for me.
ask him why his love
took, took my softness,
i so willingly gave,
and turned it into a sinister
pain.
ask him why his love
was only rose petals
when he deemed me worthy
of his fingers?
ask him, ask him.
ask him why his love
had to taste my tears
before ever touching me softly, again.
ask, ask him why,
why his love felt like home
but every time the lights went out in my soul,
he turned it into a hell of a home.
ask him why, why his love
had to slaughter my trees,
take my spilled blood,
spit on my soil
then blamed me,
me,
for making a mess of our lands?
ask him, ask him why,
when i asked him,
when i begged him,
his fingers pointed at me
as though i bore the sins
for making myself bleed,
did he not realise?
did he not see
his own four fingers
pointing back at him?
ask him, ask him why.
do not ask me why i stayed.
do not ask me why i stayed.
ask him.
ask him why his love, instead.