Five Types Of Dancers At ‘Brown’ Weddings 0 1333

One of the things South Asian weddings are most known for is the “naach gaana” (dancing and singing) and “shor sharaba” (the amount of lit). But of course, any brown wedding isn’t a brown wedding if there aren’t these types of people out there on the dance floor during the reception. I mean…we keep it interesting right?

DISCLAIMER: The content of this piece is meant in all lightheartedness and not meant to offend anyone. We’ve all become these types of people at some point, so why not just come together and laugh at ourselves, shall we?

1. “Naagin Dance Uncles”

Now if you ask me, uncles are some of the most HILARIOUS people to watch dance during the reception. ESPECIALLY, towards the end of the night when the DJ decides to put on the infamous “Naagin dance.” Our dear uncles, many of wich have already had a drink or two (more like ten, go hard or go home right?) show us the art that is Naagin dance, and guess what else? Brides and grooms, you won’t have to worry about cleaning the dance floor afterwards, because “Naagin Dance Uncles” will do it for you! You best believe the dance floor will be squeaky clean once they’re done with it.

2. “The Dance Team”

Ahhhh, the good ole dance team. Now here’s the thing with these folks: you might want to stay fifteen feet away from them on the dance floor, because there’s no telling which limb you will lose if you get too close. I’m serious folks, the dance team-ers should really come with a wristband made out of bright yellow caution tape, because they can be HAZARDOUS. And GOD FORBID….you get into a dance off with one of these folks. Honestly my friend, you might as well pack up and go home now, because they will ABSOLUTELY murder your self esteem on the dance floor. Because when they hear a song, which they have specific choreography to…the dance floor is no longer JUST a dance floor. That dance floor my friend, is now the stage for one of their competitions and they will come out on top no matter what it takes. Also, I am proudly one of these people…soooo LOL I am so sorry.

3. “The Closet Madhuri”

Now this person is almost always a girl, and on a normal basis, she won’t so much as even make eye contact with anyone. But get some Grey Goose with a shot of orange juice in her, and Madhuri is in the HOUSE. Normally, this girl can’t even bend over to touch her toes, but lo and behold here she’ll be just dancing away without a care in the whole world. The next morning, she’ll definitely ask “hum pe yeh kisne, hara rang dala?”….and to you my dear, I say you, you and your favorite drink, meri jaan. Y’all tag teamed it, and you didn’t even NEED Aishwarya to help you.

4. “Army Aunty”

Now every aunty I’ve ever met (give or take ten or fifteen Kokilabens), claims to have been the Madhubala of their time. Their story starts off with the typical line, “Mere zamane mein na…etc.” (“Back in my day…”) But the thing with “Army Aunties” is that not only are they passionate about their childhood dreams, they will 100% try to make you a part of their yesteryear performance on the dance floor. And don’t you DARE say no, because I promise you they will ask you drop and give 50. And by that I mean they will drop you, and give you 50 thappars for your refusal to join the “circle of terror”. You know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. That circle of death, that has absolutely NO exit because “Army Aunty” will keep pulling you back saying, “Beta, kahaan ja rahe/rahi ho, humaare saath toh dance karo!” (“Where do you think you’re going, we aren’t done with you yet fam”) So I say, unless you want your face to go from its’ normal color to “laal tamatar” (tomato red) you better keep dancing until your ankles detach themselves from you and run away.

5. “Club Confused”

So let me get this straight, here you are at this random person’s wedding reception you most likely don’t even know. And you can’t control your hormones for the duration of this event? And BRO (or SIS, no discrimination you feel?) what are you doing grinding up against the opposite gender?! Firstly, let me know if this is the set of Jism and you two are John Abraham and Bipasha Basu. Because in that case, let me know I’ll bring in the cameras and the appropriate lighting. I got you, I promise. But if NOT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!?!? I mean, do you realize every aunty is already watching you trying to set you up with their son or daughter? And you’re gonna just blatantly give them a reason to throw you into the Bermuda Triangle of Rishtas? On top of that, you and I both know that you’ve spent half this year spending your food money that your mummy daddy gave you for college at the club to engage in this EXACT SAME BEHAVIOR. SO GET IT TOGETHER FAM.

All this being said, brown weddings are such a fun time and the dancing just adds even more fun to the whole event itself. Dancing is such a huge part of our culture and the display of it, will always give us a reason to clap our hands and bob our heads (even if it’s a tiny bit).

It’s like the song goes, “Wedding da season hain, sohneya dance da reason hain” (It’s wedding season, and there’s a reason to dance”

Happy dancing everyone!

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I pride myself in being a South Asian woman whose tongue is sharper than the arch of her brows. A 22 year old Gujarati girl, that's got nothing new to say, just a different way to say it. Let's take the world by storm together. Grab your voice and let's go.

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