Of course garba is all about the dancing, the outfits, the food, and most importantly Mataaji, but everyone year I notice these particular people that I have a love/hate relationship with. Maybe you’ve noticed them too and can relate! Here’s my top five!
1. The ‘Dil Mil’ Boys
These are the boys that come to garba SOLELY to check girls out. They won’t swipe left or right, they’ll just stare. You know who I’m talking about ladies. These are the guys that most of the time don’t even show up dressed for the occasion at hand. You’ll most likely be seeing them in a polo and khakis. If they’re feeling REALLY fancy, they’ll probably grab a dupatta from one of their ethnic outfits, and throw it on right on top of that Polo! And to these boys, I have a word of advice: if you see a girl you like and think is pretty….GO AND GET IN THE SAME CIRCLE AS HER AND DO SOME GARBA. Don’t just stand there and stare at her and hope she’ll notice you.
2. The ‘Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi’ Aunties
Now, it’s no secret that all ‘desi’ aunties have a very real problem with match-making. They could be in the middle of Antarctica, but they’ll STILL find some way to try and set up “aaj kaal na chokraon”(kids these days)! Garba season my friend, is absolutely no exception! Their eyes will be wandering at all times, while they’re eating bhel, even while they’re doing garba just trying to create the perfect couple. But here’s the funny thing: if they DO by any chance see a guy and girl together, the gossip starts immediately, and word will somehow travel back to both the guy and girl’s parents. Where is the logic you ask? Trust me, I don’t know either.
3. The Mean Girls
We all know that group of “popular,” clique-y girls that pretend to absolutely love each other, but collectively hate EVERYONE. They have one formation and that’s the infamous circle. They will stand in a circle with their necks stuck straight out into the middle of the circle, most likely buried in gossip about whose boyfriend cheated on them, and when the next house party is. This is where the ‘Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi’ aunties come from, folks. If you try to join their raas lines, you’ll more than certainly be grilled with the “I know you just didn’t” look, and MATAAJI FORBID you try and talk to them. I swear their one eyebrow (freshly threaded, mind you) will be arched ALL the way up the whole time, while judging your outfit. You know, maybe this is why the ‘Dil Mil’ boys are so afraid of us girls. *shrugs and sips my garam garam chaa*
4. The ‘Dayaben’
If you’re Gujarati, you most likely know who this is above. Our favorite Dayaben Gada. Garba addict. Hasn’t been admitted to rehab. Now the too turnt are the reincarnations of Dayaben herself. Now we all love getting turnt at garba, I mean that’s the point of it, but these folks are dangerously turnt. Like you see them or come in contact with them, and you’re trying to find your caution tape, so you can let the world know that these people are hazards. When you’re doing raas with them, you’ll wonder whether there’s an earthquake occuring, but then you’ll look around and realize…no one else is shaking. So why are you shaking? Because they decided to hit your dandiyo with record breaking forces. I kid you not, last year someone hit my dandiyo SO hard during raas, that it literally broke in half and went flying across the room. I’m scared to see these people during the garba functions at their weddings…someone’s significant other is getting sent to the hospital.
5. The ‘No-Liners’
Going to garba, means learning different styles of raas, as well as garba. Usually what happens is, there will be a group of people that start a new trend and do a style others haven’t seen before. Now of course, we all get curious and we give ourselves a few attempts to learn what this line of people is doing. HOWEVER. The ‘No Liners’ do this EVERY FIVE MINUTES. They will move from line to line, both during raas and garba, and try to pick up the new style, but every five minutes they’ll either get bored or see ANOTHER line doing something interesting and they’ll go wreak havoc there. And here’s what I wonder about these people: what do they do at an all you can eat buffet? Like do they get in the line for pizza, see cinnamon rolls, drop their pizza on the floor and head straight for the cinnamon rolls? Like how have you not caused a major traffic accident, my friend?
Well that was it from me folks! I hope you have an awesome time at garba this year filled with happiness and lots of fun!
Disclaimer/Author’s Note: This piece is not meant to offend anyone, it was written in all good humor, so please don’t take it the wrong way friends!