As a woman, do you have nice guys in your life? Have you ever had an experience with one of those nice guys? Okay, let’s not answer these questions just yet, not until we agree on the definition of a nice guy is.

When we say a Nice Guy (NG), what we are referring to is actually The Nice Guy Syndrome. First, we need to differentiate between niceness and kindness, people often confuse niceness for kindness. Niceness is being able to handle social situations with no conflict, it means treating people with polite manners. Nice means the ability to be inoffensive.

The group of guys we are talking about is the “I am nice until I get what I want” type of nice. “I will do anything and go out of my way to get what I want” type of nice or being nice in fear of getting caught up in any conflicts and/or rejection.

“Just about everything a “nice guy” does is consciously or unconsciously calculated to gain someone’s approval or to avoid disapproval.”

Dr Robert Glover, No More Mr Nice Guy

There are at least three schools of thoughts when it comes to “nice guys” according to Geek Feminism Wiki and you have probably dealt someone that falls into atleast one of them:

  1. That they are victims of women’s irrationality or cruelty when women say they want nice guys but then ditch said nice guys to go date jerks.
  2. That they believe by doing nice things for women, they will get sex in exchange, because of course, niceness should be rewarded with sex from women.
  3. That they attempt to use false techniques in order to seduce women or make them fall for them.

The thing about nice guys is that when they are rejected, the only thing they can think of or have to say is blaming everything on being “nice’ by Asking questions like “Is it because I am a nice guy?” while ignoring every other reason there is to think of. They don’t bother to think that maybe being nice isn’t enough to be liked and loved. Being nice is the bare minimum in basic human social interactions. As a person, you have to bring more to the table than just “nice.” You have to work on your personality, your shape, and everything else in between, just as your future partner should do the same.

Somehow, rejection suddenly becomes a moral issue for them. Yes, we all get sad and frustrated when we are rejected, we even whine a lot about it for a period of time, it’s normal. However, it’s not normal to make it a life and death matter or play the victim of what they would call “women’s lack of ability to choose right.”

How to spot Nice Guy behavior:

  1. Manipulation:

    A nice guy would do absolutely anything to make you fall in love with them in an indirect way. They make every nice act a step towards getting the girl they are trying to manipulate.
  2. The infamous “women always end up dating jerks”:

    Women don’t go for assholes, at least women who are in their right minds. The reason they date guys you think they are jerks isn’t because they are jerks, it’s because they are probably interesting people with self-confidence that you mistake for jerkiness. Women don’t fall for jerks, they fall for funny, ambitious, kind, hardworking, understanding, smart, and list goes on and on.
  3. “I am a nice guy”:

    They will repeatedly remind you on every occasion of how “nice” they are. They will tell you stories about how nice they were to ungrateful women in the past and play the victim card because they weren’t rewarded in exchange of their niceness with what they wanted (spoiler: it’s probably sex)

  4. Can’t have you reject them in a socially acceptable way:

    He won’t hit you up and say “Hey, can I take you out on a date sometime?” and give you the chance to say no easily. However, what they would do is offer you help with something outdoors to hang out with you. “Oh, something is wrong with your car? I can take look at it if you would like, I would love to help out. You are moving? I can help out, just let me, I would love to.” A nice guy would do all of this and consider them to be dates when the woman he’s targeting just considers him a good friend who is helping her out and this is why she would accept his help. Deep down, she knows he likes her but she’s not 100% sure of it because every time he gets the chance to say anything, he doesn’t. So she’s left with either going straight forward and asking him if she likes her, to help get any misunderstanding out of the way or cutting him off completely and stop accepting his offers, she’s never sure what the right thing to do is, because what if she’s cutting off a good friend who appreciates her friendship just by thinking too much?

  5. “Maybe I should be a jerk then, women don’t want a nice guy these days”:

    Even though this is wrong, he doesn’t realize that under the mask of niceness, he is an asshole with deep layers of manipulation, self-pity, and self-entitlement.

How to snap out of being a nice guy:

  1. Try to understand that no one owes you anything in exchange of being a genuinely nice human being.
  2. There is no right way or manual to get/keep women. There are no rules, you have to figure out on you own what the woman you like wants.
  3. There are so many potential partners for you out there, stop wasting your time on someone who obviously doesn’t like you back.

We all have probably encountered at least one nice guy before or are dealing with one. Here is my advice if you are caught up with one nice guy: don’t leave any room for misunderstanding or manipulation, be straight forward and tell them that you don’t consider them more than just a friend.

Tell them that if their nice gestures are some sort of agenda to get something out of you, it won’t work. Be honest even if it sounds brutal because this is the right thing to do. If he keeps insisting on trying to win you over when you are clearly not interested, cut him off. Trust me, you would be doing him and yourself a favor.