This isn’t an article about the bitter feelings I have towards an ex, but rather, the appreciation I have for the lessons I have learned because of him.
Our relationship started off in the best way possible. It was an instant click. We would talk hour after hour, day after day. It was like we couldn’t get enough of each other and with each passing day, he became more of my best friend. He was the guy who understood me, who was there for me and who couldn’t bare to see a frown on my face. He was my first real love. We shared a bond that I never thought could break. It seemed too good to be true…and it was.
The things he loved about me started becoming things that irked him. My rants were “too frequent” and “annoying” now. My attitude was “childish” and I “needed to stop acting like I was on my period all the time.” Our conversations grew shorter and shorter. I felt like I was always fighting for his attention. I began to doubt myself, believing I wasn’t enough. I started changing myself in hopes that soon I would be enough, but I was never was.
One day, I was talking to a girl, who was telling me about a guy she was talking to and I told her about the guy I was in love with. There were so many similarities between the two. With each matching characteristic, my heart would start beating faster because although it was hard to admit, I knew we were talking about the same boy. I vividly remember that moment and how completely broken I felt. That night I cried for hours. All that could run through my mind was: how could the first person I had ever let in hurt me like this?
Writing about him is the hardest thing I’ve done so far. Trying to put how I feel into words is one of the most difficult tasks I’ve given myself because dating him was one of the best and worst experiences of my life. For every bad day, we had had even more wonderful days. He taught me how to love but he also caused me to experience my first heartbreak. I learned so much about myself in the months that followed our break up. I learned how vulnerable I could feel and that I needed to start loving myself. After that, I showed myself the most love I could. I was no longer vulnerable and I would step away from people when they showed signs of being toxic.
My experience with him taught me that I will always be a strong woman and I need the right guy who will appreciate every part of me. I don’t hate him, nor hold any grudges (well, maybe a few), because if I did then I wouldn’t be able to still be friends with him today. He taught me the most important lesson in life and that’s self love. I will forever be thankful for that and for him still being by my side, encouraging me to be better.