For some reason, toxic friendships between two or more girls are never talked about. There are hundreds of stories, songs, and poetry about going through and healing from heartbreak but not nearly as many when it comes to friendships. Friendships are just as important. Girls tend to tell their friends everything from their newest love interest to the big fight that they had with their parents the night before. Friendship for a girl can be amazing. Guys are great, but they usually don’t have the patience to listen to a girl’s rant about how she’s “in love” with Anastasia’s newest brow pencil or how she “needs” to get a new jean skirt since her other two aren’t in style anymore. If a girl feels like she has the support and the approval of female peers, she’s much better off.
On the other hand, unhealthy relationships between girls can be just as negatively powerful. One unhealthy influence can cause a person to have doubts about their worth, ability, and purpose. Before I start this article, I just want to say that every person deserves love and respect. I think if I’d gotten that through my head earlier on I would’ve been much better off. Anyways, here are five signs that you may be in a toxic friendship.
1: They’re overly critical/judgmental/mean
A true friend will tell you when you’re crossing the line, when the guy you like is bad news, or if that dress maybe isn’t the best for you. However, when they constantly berate you for every little thing, they may just be toxic. A good friend will correct you when needed, but they’ll correct you because they care about you and don’t want you to suffer. A person who constantly puts you down is probably just unhappy with themselves and just wants to bring you down. Once it gets to the point where you no longer enjoy their company, reevaluate why your friends with them and whether it’s actually healthy relationship or not.
2: It’s all about them
One-sided friendships are the definition of toxic. The other person expects you to rush to their side at the drop a hat but doesn’t have time for you, even if it’s an emergency. Their problems are earth shattering while your problems are insignificant. They just don’t care about you. They use you to be their therapists for free Keep in mind, some people are more needy than others and others are more independent and that’s okay. I tend to be a more independent, and I love listening to people and giving them advice. However, when the other person doesn’t seem to care about you or anything you’re interested in; it may be time to reconsider spending less time with them or ending your friendship completely.
3: They ignore you
I don’t mean that they have other friends and aren’t with you twenty-four seven. I mean people who treat you like a closet friend. Behind closed doors you’re best friends, but in public, they don’t give you the time of day. You’re never their first choice. I’m not going to lie, we all do this to a certain degree. Friendships are complicated, so there’s going to always be a bit of this dynamic in a good amount of friendships. That’s no excuse though for people who totally ignore you. Not being a person’s first choice all the time is exhausting and really does crush a person’s self esteem. If a good friend never puts you first, try to branch out and give them less of your day’s time.
4: They’re insanely jealous of you
Jealousy is the most ugly emotion. For some reason, jealousy has followed me from the time I was a young kid, and I’ve had to deal with it in almost every stage of life. People will be jealous of your grades, your opportunities, your looks, and almost anything else you can think of. Jealous is unreasonable, and no matter what you do, you can’t change the person’s jealous perspective. Advice I’ve always lived by given to me by my mom is this:
“You can’t just take a part of someone’s life. You have to take their whole life.”
People would always tell me that “I was just smart” or “ I couldn’t understand them because I was just born talented.” They’re wrong. I studied to do well and practiced to become talented. I worked hard and somehow got into my dream school. It’s unfair for someone who slacked off in high school to try to take away the credibility I earned from hard work. Back to toxic relationships, if someone is perpetually jealous, it isn’t healthy. If they are never happy about your accomplishments but always expect you to be happy for them, it’s not a satisfying relationship. If they try to take away your credibility you worked for, they aren’t worth keeping around. Girls often act ugly and can truly become monsters because of jealousy. A friend who is often mean and jealous is not a friend you want to keep close.
5: They’re unhappy
I’m not saying being unhappy is a bad thing from time to time. I’m a true believer that society tells us to be happy and not have problems too often. We, as people, need to cry, let our feelings out, and be emotional from time to time. However, people who are perpetually unhappy aren’t always the best friends. They tell us that our happiness is unwarranted. This problem can relate to every other problem I listed. They are unhappy and are jealous of your perspective on life. They’re unhappy and just put you down constantly. They’re unhappy and need you to always give emotional support while they leave you to languish. Like I said, if you’re suffering, you are allowed to suffer. If you’re grieving, you can grieve for as long as you need and don’t let anyone tell you anything otherwise. . Unhappiness is not the problem. Expecting help from your friends is not a bad thing. Depression and Anxiety are not something that I could ever criticize anyone for and you’re brave in my book for fighting those feelings every day. It’s just some people are weird. They don’t have a medical condition that is valid. They aren’t grieving or suffering. They just choose everyday to be unhappy and everyone they know must be unhappy.
This isn’t a perfect list, but it’s a start. Toxic relationships take their toll, and it’s important to evaluate every relationship that you’re in. You deserve quality friendships with people who care about you. Even though I specifically mentioned female friendships, guy-girl relationships and guy-guy relationships can be just as toxic. No matter the relationship, a truly toxic relationship shouldn’t be allowed to continue in the way it did in the past.
No matter what relationship, never let someone continually take away your happiness, make you question your worth, feel dumb or incapable, take your hard work for granted, make you feel ugly, think your problems are insignificant, and put you down.
