If you’re from a brown family, you’ve seen the TV channel change at breakneck speed whenever there is a sex scene. Followed by an awkward eye contact and a grim silence. I don’t think brown parents have ever uttered the word ‘sex.’ It is always ‘physical relationship’ in a hushed tone if at all there is a conversation. I can totally imagine the ‘Thali-falling-from-hand’ scene if they found out their children are having sex.

I think the only sex-ed talk most of us have had with our parents is to not have sex before marriage. We have been taught – or more like forced upon us – from early teenage years that our bodies are equivalent to a character certificate. Our vaginas are a temple that can only be entered by our husbands. The notion that people have sex for pleasure and not just to produce children is alien to brown parents. Sex before marriage is the sin one cannot atone. They will shame you for having sex to the extent that it is depressing. A lot of people refrain from having sex because of the stigma that is inflicted on them in the name religion and society. If you have sex you are a slut and if you don’t you are a prude. It is a two-way conflict. Shame is gendered a lot of times. Men can sleep around but hell would break loose if women have sex before marriage.

Physical compatibility is very important in any relationship and most brown parents just don’t get it. How many times have you been countered with ‘Save that for your husband to see’ or ‘only your husband can touch you?’ Countless, right? Marriages have fallen apart because of the lack of physical compatibility. It is sad how it is passed down to some girls from their mothers that they are just sex dolls for their husbands.

Having a healthy conversation about sex with parents is arduous and frustrating. It is funny how they live in denial about sex before marriage or maybe after marriage, too. I guess we are a population of 1.5 billion just by magic then or by God’s grace as many would like to believe. I hope we can talk about sex without judgment or being discouraged for wanting to enjoy ourselves.