Dating as a feminist can come with immense pros. For one, simply having the word ‘feminist’ in a dating profile is an incredible tool in instantly eradicating the grimy misogynists. After all, these men think feminists are evil-man-eating-bitches – nothing makes them run faster than a woman who knows her rights. In addition, it also leads to better sex, communication, understanding, and overall more equal relationships. Sounds great, right?
Well, all feminists would find an ideal, equality drive partner to enjoy life within a perfect world. However, to state the obvious, this is not a perfect world, especially in regards to feminist dating.
Everyone, hide! It’s a woman who knows her rights!
Like all human rights movements, whenever a historically silenced group of people begin to use their voice, there will always be another group of people pissed about it.
The group of weirdos at the head of the anti-feminist movement make it their life mission to put feminists under a bad light. They categorize the modern-day feminist as an angry, hairy, power-hungry witch who hates children and wants to kill all men in sight.
Now if these people were to ever take the time to open a book and learn what feminism is, they would know instantly that this is far from the truth. Once again, this is something that would only exist within a perfect world.
While not everyone is anti-feminist, the stereotypes and stigmas brought out by the anti-feminism movement are damaging.
You’re a feminist? Instant turn-off.
In 2021, I think it’s safe to say we have collectively moved past the evil-witch feminist bull crap (thank god). However, the stereotypes still linger – making feminism the number one mood killer in the dating scene.
To the average cis uneducated male, a woman saying they are a feminist seems like the equivalent of having body odor. To these people, nothing smells worse than a woman who fights to have the same level of independence, education, and success as them (bonus points on the unattractive scale if they already do).
Why is this seen as such a turn-off? Because it serves as a threat to their manhood. The idea that masculinity is in danger because of powerful feminity is part of a concept known as toxic masculinity.
Fragile manhood in action
To get some cold-hard evidence of toxic masculinity in the dating scene, I decided to investigate on the World Wide Web.
In a Quora forum titled “What are the Pros and Cons of dating a feminist?” one user wrote:
“Cons: the relationship will most likely fail.
Pros: knowing she’s a feminist is an early warning that the relationship will fail so you can end things early on, before it evolves to marriage, then divorce, then the alimony”
The insecure, manly-man, Quora user proceeded to back his claims with a testimony. Stating:
“I was dating a woman and on one date she revealed that she’s a feminist. I immediately made excuses so I can end our date. Ever since then I never answered her calls. (good thing she doesn’t know my full name or where I live) and to my luck, I found out years later that she married and divorced some fool and took everything he had, I really dodged a bullet.”
Phew, that was a close one man! *rolls eyes*
A list of other related questions were linked below the thread.
In another forum titled “Should I avoid dating a feminist?” one man wrote:
The user closed his statement with a list of consequences that comes from dating a feminist. Some of which include–and I quote:
- loss of reputation
- loss of employment
- financial ruin
- life-long domestic violence orders
- erectile dysfunction
So there you have it, folks. Not only is dating a feminist an incredibly foolish act to do, but it can also lead to suicide. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
So, what’s a girl gotta do then?
So what’s a girl gotta do if our feminist identity scares everyone away?
Well, I think it all comes down to not allowing the ignorant opinions of others to be internalized. Especially the butt-hurt a**holes who hide behind a Reddit screen.
People who shame you for expressing your own personal empowerment are the most insecure, ill-minded of them all. These people find power through the submission of others who are there to stroke their egos at all times. Of course, they will feel threatened if a woman challenges their dominance. These individuals will then try to belittle, shame, and insult their way back into power. If this doesn’t work they will then compartmentalize you into a certain category and go on a smear campaign condemning all women as a whole.
Women who are feminists aren’t afraid to claim power within their relationships. Such rejection of gender norms has brewed a class of wounded egos who cannot stand the thought of a woman possibly knowing more than they do. This is the reason why feminists have a bad rap in the dating scene.
Compromising your boundaries and beliefs in efforts to be seen as more ‘desirable’ will do nothing but attract the wrong matches in your love life. Your identity as a feminist isn’t scaring all the potential partners away. It’s scaring all the bad potential partners away.