I have been there. I have done that.
I have hated my body to limits that are unimaginable for people that haven’t felt that way. I have loathe it, tortured it, starved it, exhausted it… I have done all of this. And my own closest friends and family have no idea.
This is something that many of us go through. More often than not, us means women. We are taught to be seeking perfection in every possible way, and it takes lots of patience and strength to actually realize perfection is unachievable.
I will never look how I want to. I will never be just who I desire to be. But the problem is not in myself. It is on those standards, the role models, the patriarchy, the hypersexualization of women, the objectification of women… I’m done with self-hatred. And you can be too.
First of all, just assume we all have flaws.
You weren’t born with perfect boobs? I’m sure your sense of humor makes up for it.
You don’t have a butt? I’m sure your kindness is twice as better as any ass.
Please, realize being beautiful is GOOD but is not EVERYTHING. You’re a human being, with your thoughts, your dreams, your own perfect values and goals. Beauty can be achieved in so many ways, and it starts the day you truly convince yourself that it comes in all shapes and sizes and shines from inside to outside. And never the other way around.
Own your curves, own your bones, own your scars, your stretch marks, your saggy boobs, your small butt, your freckles, your paleness, your darkness… Own yourself. Stand in constant awe at what your body does for you. It is your home. It carries you everywhere, preserves your kind heart, your creative mind. Your hands help every time someone needs you, your arms hug your loved ones, your legs allow you to dance, your smile makes me smile. You breath. You sing. You laugh. You do all of this thanks to, and only to, your body. Praise it.
Beauty can be achieved in so many ways, and it starts the day you truly convince yourself that it comes in all shapes and sizes and shines from inside to outside.
Tell yourself that you’re perfect. I don’t care how conceited others consider you. Girl, you are. You truly are. Just think how you see your friends. You see them as strong, pretty, sexy individuals. Just turn it around and realize they see you the exact same way. It’s you who’s missing to realize it! Maybe she’s shorter, or tanner, or makes friends easier. But you’re undoubtedly smarter, or prettier, or everything else. See her flaws. See yours. Accept them. Now move on and focus on your qualities. Exploit them. Don’t be shy and sing if you’re good at it, write if you’re good at it and wear those shorts because you look damn good in them.
Look in the mirror and say, “I’m perfect” each morning. Reassure yourself and start the day with that extra dose of confidence. Nobody has the right to give you an unwanted opinion of your body. You’re perfect, and if you know it, everyone else will see it too.
Surround yourself with positive, strong, creative individuals. People who will allow you to be yourself and will never fail to support you. Stay away from those who constantly remind you of your mistakes and bring on those girlfriends and boyfriends that will never fail to put a smile on your face. Love yourself enough to choose wisely who you love. And love as much as you can.
Treat yourself with respect. Which means, eat healthy but allow yourself to binge watch Netflix eating that pepperoni pizza when you feel like it. Exercise, but find a sport or physical activity that empowers you and gets you feeling all sweaty and sexy. Do all these things because you love yourself and you wanna treat yourself just how you deserve. How you treat and speak to yourself ends up determining how others will treat you and speak to you.
Write. Write your thoughts, your ideas, your personal story. Write away your negative thoughts and try to come up with a positive one for each one of them. Write about how you feel, how you would like to feel… Just explore your own self and get to know you better. I’m sure you’re quite a great individual.
Connect with movements that will give you the answers you’re looking for. Read about body-positivity and about feminism. Speak to other women and find out how they feel. You will realize even the ones that are more confident-looking have their own insecurities. Feminism will educate you on how much of this self-hatred can be explained through the society you have grown in. Sorority, empowerment… This is something you need. I promise.
Feminism will educate you on how much of this self-hatred can be explained through the society you have grown in.
You’re powerful. You came to this world to be happy and do beautiful things. You’re a goddess. Happiness comes inherently when you realize just how unique, precious and beautiful you are.
The world needs you, and it needs you confident, strong and making it a better place. I know you’re perfect. It’s your turn to realize it.