It was I who thought I could not pass the line
It was I who thought I could not make it right
It was I who thought all night – how to get it right
Would I take flight or would I fight?
Still I could not see the bright light
Until then, good night.
This poem I wrote is a short explanation of what it felt like waiting for my exam results. I truly thought I failed one key exam that would determine my future. Thankfully, when the results came, that was not the case.
However, when I was finishing that specific exam, I was filled with dread. I was never confident in the subject so when anxiety took over my thoughts, it was all I could think about. I started imagining what my reaction would be when I open my results, who I would go to, so I could discuss retaking that exam.
Waiting 2 months for the results did not help at all. My nerves grew stronger and stronger up to the point where it consumed my everyday thoughts.
So what I thought would help was guided meditation. Honestly, it helped. It helped me realise that whatever I was feeling stressed about, I could not control so I had to learn to accept it. I had to learn how to control the anxiety and not bother overthinking since what I was worried about was not in my control. What I could control was the overthinking. The meditation helped me calm down and overtime I’ve learnt to compose my thoughts — that journey isn’t over yet.
Of course, anxiety can’t go away, it’s part of being human, and I’m still learning. What I do know is that it shouldn’t dictate my decisions, it shouldn’t overshadow my identity and make me isolate my self.
I hope this helps someone, anyone even in the slightest way. Please know that what you’re feeling is valid and that it does not define you.