Notice how the topic of men masturbating is everywhere? It’s in TV shows, movies, jokes, and pretty much anywhere else you can think of. It’s known. It’s talked about. It’s out there. It’s not hushed. No one feels awkward or weird while talking about it. Yet, when the discussion of female masturbation gets brought up, it evokes feelings of uneasiness for women and men.
Every time it gets mentioned, it’s hushed. It’s pushed aside, and we’re told not to talk about it, “because we’re women.” That we should keep somethings private like it’s supposed to be some kind of secret? But do people realize what they are doing when they silence us? They make younger girls feel as if there isn’t a safe space to ask questions or talk about it. When this happens, it tells women of all ages that their needs aren’t as important. Girls aren’t becoming educated on this topic. They might even try to seek out guidance form porn, but we all know porn is glorified and not real at all, therefore obtaining some false idea of what masturbation should feel and look like.
Women should feel liberated, empowered, and safe to talk about female masturbation. If I had a nickel for every time my girlfriends brought up this topic, I would only have one nickel, because I am the only one who openly talks about this.
It’s believed that men can freely express themselves about this topic because men are supposedly known to be “sexual beings,” and women aren’t. For some reason, the rumor ran around that women just don’t get horny or aren’t as sexual as men, but that’s a myth. It’s just that we get shut down every time we try to talk about it. Men take masturbation as being routine, just like putting deodorant on is routine. Women start incorporating masturbation into your self-care routine, as you do with your face masks.
Now when men hear women say they partake in self-pleasure, they either believe they are lying or become very intrigued and “excited” because they never thought girls were like that. This being all said, what does that say about men having sex with women when they think women don’t get horny or feel as sexual as men?? I’ll let all of you form your judgments there, but you ladies catch my drift.
Not only does it miseducate young women but also young men. When it’s time for the men to pleasure their female partner, they tend to end up doing more harm than good. They can rub them in a wrong manner, scratch or cut them, become too rough, or didn’t “warm” the girl up enough before having sex. All these incorrect maneuvers can hurt the women, causing bleeding, burning sensation, or pain.
Girls need to know what they like, and that comes from exploring their bodies. It teaches the women what they like and what feels good to them, which then they can relay that information to their partner. If not, then how is the man supposed to know how to take care of the women in bed? Because guess what, a woman’s orgasm is just as important as a man’s.
Since there’s such little discussion happening around female masturbation, people have started to assume that girls just don’t do that. What’s worse is that some women feel the need to hide or lie about the fact they masturbate due to feeling dirty or shameful. It’s actually very surprising how many females do masturbate. There are studies and surveys that have been done that concluded about 1 in every 5 women have NEVER masturbated while at least 93% of men have masturbated at least once.
This topic has been a taboo topic for way too long. It’s still taboo because people are afraid to open up a dialogue about it. Women are afraid that they’ll be perceived in a negative light and labeled as “slutty,” “freaky,” or oversexed.
If only more people knew of all the health benefits that come from masturbation. There are no cons or negatives to this. You can’t go wrong with giving yourself some love. It can be a great stress reliever, mood booster, confidence booster, help sleep better, relieve cramps, and the list goes on.
Let’s not forget that it’s safer, in terms of not risk getting any STI’s or STD’s, free of any sexual feelings from someone you know you shouldn’t like, and you can’t get pregnant from! Plus, don’t forget that it feels damn good.
The lack of discussion surrounding female masturbation is due to sex education in schools, or should I say the lack of. So it’s something women have to learn on their own. Sex education fails to properly teach young women about the clitoris, the most stimulating part. When they teach about the vagina in sex ed, it usually is dealing with periods or pregnancy, but never a woman’s pleasure. The actual anatomy of a vagina is barely studied.
This dialogue needs to be opened up at home. Although the young girls often come home feeling as if they have no one to talk to. Many mothers feel too “weird” giving their daughters this talk, so they stray away because they have never received that talk from their mother either. It’s time to change this and start more conversations about it. Nothing is embarrassing about it. It’s completely normal, healthy, and natural.
TV shows and movies can be to blame for the lack of female masturbation conversations because they rarely depict women masturbating as often as they show men masturbating. But when they do depict female masturbation, it’s’s portrayed poorly. It’s’s displaying as something “taboo.”
Whenever they display this “act” on TV, it’s usually with candles lit up, rose petals scattered, music playing, and perhaps wine all part of their set up for their “me” time. Whereas, when it displays this act with men, it shows them sitting in front of some playboy magazine or a computer screen displaying porn, some lotion, perhaps tissues or a sock. The way they portray both of these differences makes an impact. It shows how “normal” it is for men to do this activity but makes it some “rare” and “special” for women.
Media portrayal has a lot of effect on the stigmas attached to female masturbation. And we all know how many tend to believe everything they see. The media is lacking in representation when it comes to this topic. This is evident from the confusion that women are feeling about their sexuality.
Perhaps the reason there’s a stigma attached to female pleasure is that it doesn’t cater to a man. They want women who will have sex with them but won’t fail to shame her for wanting sex. Again, if it doesn’t cater to a man’s needs or wants, then he probably doesn’t have an interest in it.
What many of us have gathered from sex with men is that many of them seem to be very selfish and aren’t too concerned with female pleasure. What matters the most to them is them getting off. Making sure they are having a good time. What about our pleasure? That’s why it’s essential to take it upon yourself to give yourself what you want and need, free of shame or guilt.
It’s seen so differently from male masturbation because many men believe women enjoy sex as much as guys do and have the same drive for it. This is the reason why more dialogues need to happen about this topic so that it can change stigmas, attitudes, and beliefs around it. By doing this, those feelings of shame, guilt, confusion can dissolve, and more pleasant feelings can take their place. “Me” time is just another way to show yourself love, and every woman deserves to feel loved. It’s time to take it into your own hands now, ladies.