Being Disowned : Am I Not Good Enough?
The moment I was able to gather myself, I started to heal. Do not let that fool you – it took me three years. I stopped asking myself toxic questions, and instead, I learned to live with my reality. What was my reality? When I was nineteen, I was disowned by my family. The cause? My partner is Muslim. My heart was pulled in two complete directions. On the one hand, I loved my family. Even if everything felt completely toxic, I loved them. On the other, here was this man who ultimately had my heart and was unapologetically himself. It seemed obvious, I know that I was disowned.
When you sit back and analyze any situation when it comes to families disowned a loved one, whether it be someone coming out as LGBTQ+, political opinions, religious views, and so forth, we must understand that has nothing to do with us. While we aren’t perfect, we are ourselves. Your heart will be shattered possibly forever, but self-love and fighting for something just will lead you into knowing you are ARE worthy.
It’s the word “stereotype” that causes so much harm, too. The stereotypes in regard to Muslims are disgusting, and I was spewed all of them. Let’s not forget about all the dodgy articles they found as well that had no credible source. My heart broke into a million pieces. No matter how many times I tried, no one would listen to me. This led me to become someone who stands in protest against inequality and bigotry, something I can be proud of.
This may be one of the hardest situations a person can go through, and rightfully so. You should seek out guidance if you need too – I did. My entire personality changed. I became this angry and bitter person who has said out loud, “I think the universe is against me.” I hated myself, and I hated others. You may even find that at times I’d curse at the world and was a tornado that just wouldn’t die down. It is okay to be angry, but it isn’t okay to further the destruction your family has caused.
Healing Your Heart
One of my biggest motivators is my daughter. She embodies everything I wish I were. Happy, full of self-love and wonder. Her heart is as big as the moon, and so is her love for everyone around her. I took some time to help myself. A therapist, exercise, nature, writing, being with family are all things that have gotten me back in the right spot. Relationships may suffer, but they don’t have to be irreparable.
It’s okay to build your relationship with your family again if that’s something you want to do, but always remember the feelings you’ve had and the long process it took to heal. I know that I will never be the same person I was before – that sometimes feels like a blessing in disguise. The feeling of being less than, and continuously trying to prove yourself is something I have struggled with.
Nevertheless, you are the first person you need to please. Open your heart to yourself and allow it to heal in any way you need too. Find things that you truly enjoy, find people that love and accept you for you. Allow those that hurt you to live their own life. I often ask myself if I would allow them back into my life, into my daughter’s life, if we were to reconcile. The short answer is no.
It’s time to be a positive influence in your own life and love yourself from the inside out.